Friday, May 10, 2013

Loss

Why is it when you lose someone suddenly there's reminders of them everywhere?

I lost my Dad on April 27th. After his service a week later and another full week after that of the "New Normal™" I've never wanted to give him a call more that I do right now. It's been a strange few weeks of well intentioned people asking enough questions that I'm finally forced to explain that Dad lost his battle with mental illness. In a way it's good they press on so much; It's important to talk about mental illness. Too often it's swept under the rug. Discussing how we lost Dad isn't cathartic to me any more. Now I just miss him terribly.

We were planning to go to a Twins game with Dad and some other family members this weekend. My kids were really looking forward to it. We're still going but one of the big reasons I was excited to go isn't there any more. An emptiness has taken the place of someone I love.

The other day I imagined myself in the place of Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride, lost in his alcoholic haze while off trying to find the 6-fingered man to avenge his father's death. That's a little how I feel, wishing I could find the 6-fingered disease that killed my father to avenge him. Even if I could I'd be just like Inigo in the end, growling, "I want my father back you son of a bitch."